Breaking the Cycle of Violence: A Journey of Resilience and Hope
As a child, I dreamed of the “perfect” life—an idyllic family, a warm home, and a life free from struggle. But reality had other plans. My journey was far from the white-picket-fence ideal I once imagined. Instead, it was a path marked by adversity, resilience, and, ultimately, empowerment. My story is just one among countless others who have faced the cycle of violence and struggled to create something better for themselves and their families. This is for everyone who feels trapped in a cycle, who feels invisible, and who dreams of breaking free.
Growing Up in Survival Mode
I grew up in a family divided early on. My parents separated before I could even form lasting memories of them together, and my father—a legally blind man raising two young children alone—became my world. Moving around the country, we didn’t have the luxury of stability. I watched as my father, a man determined but limited in his abilities, navigated life with challenges that many would find unimaginable.
School was no refuge for me. Struggling academically, I often felt left behind and different from my peers. I carried the weight of my family’s hardships and responsibilities beyond my years. My father did his best, but our home was far from a safe haven. I learned from an early age that survival often meant hiding my struggles from the world, holding onto my pain in silence, and navigating life on my own.
Falling into the Same Patterns
By the age of 18, I was already a mother, and soon after, I welcomed my second child. The cycle seemed to repeat itself—I was now a young single parent, carrying the same burdens my father once did. I had jobs, a car, an apartment, and the outward appearance of success. But internally, I was fighting to keep my head above water. The dream of a stable, violence-free life for my children felt almost impossible. I made choices that led me down paths I didn’t want to be on, but those decisions came from a place of survival, a need to do whatever it took to get through each day.
Violence and instability haunted my life, as they do for so many others. For every statistic on domestic violence, there’s a person like me behind it—a survivor shaped by circumstances beyond their control. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) reports that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence. Many, like me, grow up in environments where violence is normalized, where cycles of hurt and pain are passed down like heirlooms. We learn to survive instead of thrive, to accept instead of demand change.
Breaking the Cycle
It wasn’t until I was given a second chance—an opportunity to finish my education and build a better life—that I truly began to see a way out. I remember being asked if I had ever considered going back to school. My first thought was, “No, I have kids; it’s too late.” But in a moment of bravery, I allowed myself to imagine a different future. That decision changed my life.
I worked tirelessly, often juggling multiple roles—mother, employee, and student—to build a foundation for my children and myself. I saw that while my past shaped me, it didn’t have to define my future. Through hard work and the support of others, I began to rebuild. I started to create a safe, loving environment for my children, breaking the cycle of violence and instability that could haunt my family for generations.
For Every Statistic, There Is a Story
When we talk about domestic violence, we often reduce it to numbers and facts. But for every statistic, there is a story—someone who has faced darkness and fought to rise above it. According to the NCADV, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. That equates to more than 10 million people each year. But these numbers are just the surface; they don’t capture the pain, fear, and resilience behind every survivor’s journey.
Breaking free from the cycle of violence is not easy. It requires a complete transformation, not only of one’s environment but also of one’s self-worth and mindset. Many of us grow up internalizing the violence and hurt around us, feeling it’s all we deserve. We learn to settle for survival instead of striving for happiness. But I want others to know that breaking free is possible, no matter how impossible it may seem.
A Message of Hope
To anyone who feels trapped in a cycle of violence, know that there is hope. I’ve walked that path, and while it may seem endless, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Seek support, surround yourself with people who lift you up, and remember that you are more than the pain you’ve endured. The cycle can end with you! You have the power to create a new path, to turn survival into thriving, and to transform pain into purpose.
Creating yourself is a lifelong journey, but it’s one worth taking. Because if I can do it, so can you.
With love and hope,
Krystal Queen-Sullivan
